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Posts Tagged ‘comic poetry’

Lianah is king of dem beasts

I breed them in lab and I like it.

I like to cross them with hianah:

I got my match at last- a laffing lianah.

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This I believe: a poet’s pen must flow

Through thick and thin; but then it is hard

With a nose running,-flu got this bard ;

All I can think is King Lear,- Blow! blow! 

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Mail me your best offer

You will never find

A better deal than I append

In such doublespeak

As attachment, it shall blow your mind.

 

Profits you seek, profits

I have laid shovelsful

Like a sack of spuds,

You shall take my offer

And the bait is in what you miss, in fine print.

benny

 

 Now for the original

Ode to A Skylark, (…It can’t Tweet)

Note: the byline is mine. b.

 

 

 

         Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

                Bird thou never wert,

         That from Heaven, or near it,

                Pourest thy full heart

In profuse strains of unpremeditated art.

 

         Higher still and higher

                From the earth thou springest

         Like a cloud of fire;

                The blue deep thou wingest,

And singing still dost soar, and soaring ever singest.

 

         In the golden lightning

                Of the sunken sun,

         O’er which clouds are bright’ning,

                Thou dost float and run;

Like an unbodied joy whose race is just begun.

 

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God must have had many things

In mind- this I can only guess:

His divine will

He left for Man to figure out:

He did it without much success.

So what good Lord do, but a woman

to share Man’s work side by side.

He worked his head off

While she twerked her butt off.

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She is Rubenesque and collect change while I play Dvorak,-

Had you heard me at the fair playing Humoresque

You might think there is something fine about my help:

She is the woman with beard and from the county Cork.

Despite her girth she is nothing more than Rubenesque. 

benny

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The other day I traipsed my way to the bank and said

‘I made my first million with you ,Why am I then in the red?’

‘Oh sir, dear sir,’ cried the banker red in the face, ’The villain

Isn’t the color but long over dues, Oh sir, you owe us billion’.

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If I were the king of sausages Id’ certainly balk

At such sawdust and lard that add to their bulk;

No, I shalln’t do a thing but sing to this refrain :

My subjects go the whole hog for honor but in vain.

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The mannequins made pirouettes along parquetry

Wafer thin their finery that rustled in all glory;

Had I such lissome languid line of goods,Oh despair

I shall move the earth to add weight, and fix my hair.

benny

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She walks in beauty, nipt and tuck’t
Flabs spread all o’er, surgeons art
Ne’r more meet than in Mary Plukket,
And she is out to steal my heart.
Walk on by, walk on Mary Pluckket
I shall one day pledge my heart.
2.
One more lipo-suction would have
Marred my Mary beyond repair;
My eternal pledge is mine to give
For millions in exchange fair, -
But is it worth or freedom I crave?
One day I shall come with an answer.
3.
She walks in beauty, nipt and tuck’t
But not for long, she is big with child
And all her strivings by chance crack’t.
Alas, nipt and tuck’t by thoughts wild
she sees our babe neatly incised and pluckt
At birth than her perfect form marr’d.
benny

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Ac III, sc-ii (lines 1-24)

Spam! Spam! Delete them all!
Out! Out!
You cowardly poltroons stop
And think what you cut and paste does no good!
Your sulphurous and beguiling offer
Clog my inbox! And a spam filter –seems what
Stops you on tracks ! And almighty Jove here
Comes an offer- for spam filter no less!
Strike at that cretin’s profoundity to think
Faster than my finger can.
Spam, spam Delete them all!
I tax you not Larry, nor do I page you.
But google at my horrible pleasure,
A poor infirm weak and harried old man
To be weaned out of this habit, I must
Smash this vile thing- keyboard the mouse and all.
If you see me leer you shall guess why.
benny

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