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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

At the Turkish hamam Mulla Nasruddin was being worked over very roughly by his attendant. Having subjected his client to uncalled for comments about his difficulties he ended his non-stop harangue by saying he always got the miserly ones who never tipped him for his pains. Suddenly he stopped short. He rudely pointed to his woolen mittens to show the dirt he had collected. ‘What am to do with these the fellow queried.

That was your tip!’ said Mullah as he walked out. 

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Just for Laughs!

“I assure you, sir, I am open minded”
(Selected-Mad Goes to Pieces)

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Mr.Know –it- all one of the party at a feast told Mulla Nasruddin,’This pilaf is made from the finest rice and clarified butter.’

Mulla held his hand up as he went on and on, ’No use telling my ear,’

Nasruddin said after wiping his mouth,’while my tongue is at work.’  

benny

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Taking Shortcuts:

Daddy Oddlegs went to Africa by biplane. In order to save money I had to stand between the two wings as a strut. I got my hair dried but grandpa got speared by bush men who mistook the plane for a bird.

2.

When one speaks of cutting corners I remember how the natives shrunk Daddy Oddlegs. In my house I have a strict policy: no service no money, no cure no fees. No cheap bargain offers for me. It will cost some one down the line dearly.

Ever since the incident at kalahari Daddy calls himself Daddy Long-legs. Oddly enough hyphenated name takes long to pronounce but you have the man by one look.

3.

Crossing the river across the back of a crocodile was a shortcut but grandpa had it long coming. Crocs seem to get a kick out of those who jump the queue to reach the opposite side first.

benny

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There was a king who had a strange habit. He would dine in full view of his courtiers. But when dessert  was served it was served covered and the hall was cleared of all, including his queen. He partook his dessert alone. One day his servant who was new to the job took the dish and on the way being curious took to his room and peeked. It was a dictionary! He replaced it with Rubik  cube. The king looked at it and thought he found something fantastic. Never more he required dessert but twiddled his thumb with the cube that made him shed his extra pounds and gave him something to focus.

Hans the servant meanwhile took the dictionary and learnt the whole book to memory. When he was caught with his pants down he entertained the soldiers by naming the parts that didn’t go well with them. They clapped him in irons and took him to the king who said he would be spared if he could find a white snake that he saw in his dream. “Does it have a head, sire?’ The poor Hans asked, The King while struggling with the cube said, “The letter A.” Poor Hans hazarded ,”Does it have a tail?” The King said hardly taking his eyes from his toy, “Z”. Hans assured he would prove his innocence. He produced the dictionary and said, “The white snake in your dream hides in this magic book.”. He gave the book to his master.

As Hans proved it the king let him go. Poor Hans hardly reached the border soldiers came with an urgent message from the Queen who wanted to see his great skill in naming the parts.. Stepping on the other side of the border he said,” Please ask the Queen to borrow the magic book from the king and name the parts herself” . He ended by saying,” It is simple really as the cube. Any one can do it.”He rode off.

(Adapted from the Brothers Grimm story, “The White Snake.”)

benny

 

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Good night,good night! farting is such sweet relief

And my love is stone deaf beyond all belief. (Romeo and Juliet)

2.

I wish I could remember the first kiss

First dime, first moment I broke the casino;

If bright or dim the dollar,- it trebles

Come Summer or winter I can add

My worth in hard currency,Oh boy! 

What on earth is this first kiss-

Damn well I know what is in a kiss

But without the face to go by I rather

fall back on what I can count and add up.

(The first day-Christina Rossetti)

 

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Mail me your best offer

You will never find

A better deal than I append

In such doublespeak

As attachment, it shall blow your mind.

 

Profits you seek, profits

I have laid shovelsful

Like a sack of spuds,

You shall take my offer

And the bait is in what you miss, in fine print.

benny

 

 Now for the original

Ode to A Skylark, (…It can’t Tweet)

Note: the byline is mine. b.

 

 

 

         Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

                Bird thou never wert,

         That from Heaven, or near it,

                Pourest thy full heart

In profuse strains of unpremeditated art.

 

         Higher still and higher

                From the earth thou springest

         Like a cloud of fire;

                The blue deep thou wingest,

And singing still dost soar, and soaring ever singest.

 

         In the golden lightning

                Of the sunken sun,

         O’er which clouds are bright’ning,

                Thou dost float and run;

Like an unbodied joy whose race is just begun.

 

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God must have had many things

In mind- this I can only guess:

His divine will

He left for Man to figure out:

He did it without much success.

So what good Lord do, but a woman

to share Man’s work side by side.

He worked his head off

While she twerked her butt off.

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‘Alice O Alice,

Can I take your heart on lease

Will that do for love?

Alice, Oh Alice!

Say yes please!’

Yes that’s a thought I most relish

O Tom I shall make you mine for sure

And e’en walk the aisle with you on a leash.

benny

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Bad Karma?

Have you heard of a Tantric Yogi who drowned in the Ganges in the city of Varnasi? He died and he was reincarnated as a wooden oar. Every time the ferryman slaps water he will say,’Take this, you damn villain. Didn’t you kill our Yogi?

One day the Yogi said, ‘Oh brother you are doing fine, It is nice to see for once I can make another sweat from exertion! Keep moving.’

What it is to be an Indian? One has to find out for oneself.

benny

 

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