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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Once I had such a beautiful coat. Trouble was whenever I put it on, no one saw me. If I reminded them ‘I am here’ the answer was,’Clothes make a man. no more is needed.’

2.

During the days of great Depression I tried to live as grandly as I could to fight its effect on me. My wallet was a gold mine but depression being such my hands could not reach it. My foot was stuck above it, you see.’

3.

I wanted to paint the ceiling as Michaelangelo would have done. But already some one had been at it what with clouds so life-like. I did not have the heart to paint and instead began drawing cheques.

4.

Have I told the time when I went to the heart of Africa? Once after an arduous travel I thought I would wash my dirt away. While I got into a big cauldron for the purpose, instantly came the bushmen from Kalahari and thereabouts, whooping in making a song and dance about me.  I asked my guide what was that for and he says, ” Bush meat and and you are in it.”

5.

There are two ways for a barefoot doctor to handle a banana in an African Jungle: give the banana to the silver back and slip on its peel yourself. ‘Have banana will travel as the bushmen say.’ The other way is to eat the banana and give the peel to the silver back. No one has lived to tell how does it taste.

6.

I had an uncle of lamentable memory who was good at standing up any one who had an appointment with him. When finally death came up my late uncle said,’Cant you knock before you come in?’ That is why I am here for and death gave a knock out that he would never remember.

benny

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At the Turkish hamam Mulla Nasruddin was being worked over very roughly by his attendant. Having subjected his client to uncalled for comments about his difficulties he ended his non-stop harangue by saying he always got the miserly ones who never tipped him for his pains. Suddenly he stopped short. He rudely pointed to his woolen mittens to show the dirt he had collected. ‘What am to do with these the fellow queried.

That was your tip!’ said Mullah as he walked out. 

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Just for Laughs!

“I assure you, sir, I am open minded”
(Selected-Mad Goes to Pieces)

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Mr.Know –it- all one of the party at a feast told Mulla Nasruddin,’This pilaf is made from the finest rice and clarified butter.’

Mulla held his hand up as he went on and on, ’No use telling my ear,’

Nasruddin said after wiping his mouth,’while my tongue is at work.’  

benny

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Taking Shortcuts:

Daddy Oddlegs went to Africa by biplane. In order to save money I had to stand between the two wings as a strut. I got my hair dried but grandpa got speared by bush men who mistook the plane for a bird.

2.

When one speaks of cutting corners I remember how the natives shrunk Daddy Oddlegs. In my house I have a strict policy: no service no money, no cure no fees. No cheap bargain offers for me. It will cost some one down the line dearly.

Ever since the incident at kalahari Daddy calls himself Daddy Long-legs. Oddly enough hyphenated name takes long to pronounce but you have the man by one look.

3.

Crossing the river across the back of a crocodile was a shortcut but grandpa had it long coming. Crocs seem to get a kick out of those who jump the queue to reach the opposite side first.

benny

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There was a king who had a strange habit. He would dine in full view of his courtiers. But when dessert  was served it was served covered and the hall was cleared of all, including his queen. He partook his dessert alone. One day his servant who was new to the job took the dish and on the way being curious took to his room and peeked. It was a dictionary! He replaced it with Rubik  cube. The king looked at it and thought he found something fantastic. Never more he required dessert but twiddled his thumb with the cube that made him shed his extra pounds and gave him something to focus.

Hans the servant meanwhile took the dictionary and learnt the whole book to memory. When he was caught with his pants down he entertained the soldiers by naming the parts that didn’t go well with them. They clapped him in irons and took him to the king who said he would be spared if he could find a white snake that he saw in his dream. “Does it have a head, sire?’ The poor Hans asked, The King while struggling with the cube said, “The letter A.” Poor Hans hazarded ,”Does it have a tail?” The King said hardly taking his eyes from his toy, “Z”. Hans assured he would prove his innocence. He produced the dictionary and said, “The white snake in your dream hides in this magic book.”. He gave the book to his master.

As Hans proved it the king let him go. Poor Hans hardly reached the border soldiers came with an urgent message from the Queen who wanted to see his great skill in naming the parts.. Stepping on the other side of the border he said,” Please ask the Queen to borrow the magic book from the king and name the parts herself” . He ended by saying,” It is simple really as the cube. Any one can do it.”He rode off.

(Adapted from the Brothers Grimm story, “The White Snake.”)

benny

 

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Good night,good night! farting is such sweet relief

And my love is stone deaf beyond all belief. (Romeo and Juliet)

2.

I wish I could remember the first kiss

First dime, first moment I broke the casino;

If bright or dim the dollar,- it trebles

Come Summer or winter I can add

My worth in hard currency,Oh boy! 

What on earth is this first kiss-

Damn well I know what is in a kiss

But without the face to go by I rather

fall back on what I can count and add up.

(The first day-Christina Rossetti)

 

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