Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
This day happens to be a special day for me. So many years ago I sent on this day a letter to my pen pal with whom I was corresponding in my school days. In the first instance my pen pal from Netherlands wrote about her country and her friends, farm-life. I wrote about books, films and usual things about my country college life. Soon it progressed from there to speak about personal things- what I want in life; and we soon were talking such things about love and soul. It came to a state I was all eager on the day her letter was due. My days in school or at home for holidays were emotionally built around the day. Postman was our patron saint. During my final year I was thus looking forward to the day I could tear open her letter read or look at the enclosed snapshots- read it all over and over again. My love-sickness must have been so loud and clear that alarmed my mother. Anyway she got the crucial letter in which we had written our plans. Next morning during family prayer my father clearly vetoed my idea of going abroad or meeting my ‘girlfriend.’ In his eyes I was harboring foolish notions!
The upshot of it was that we went separate ways and I made a disastrous marriage with the blessings of my parents. It reached a point I knew it was beyond salvage and I wrote to my pen pal on the address I knew from memory. Some 23 years ago I sent this letter to the winds so to speak. After that I forgot about it. She did send me reply by return post. Her reply was however confiscated by my ex. It looked as though history was repeating itself!
Luckily my pen pal wrote second time, her address and phone and four months later when I came home for lunch I found it on my table. ( Who did it my servants or my daughter or some assistant in the beauty salon ex was running from home. I never tried to find it out.) The same day I sent a letter to my wife who was free for so many years. We could chat for long in long-distance. I got a chance to go to the USA so I made it a point to meet her on my return trip. From the day one it was as though we were meant for each other.
I could turn my life around and make a soul happy and also find happiness.
On thinking back I realized one can never hold back love or happiness. Both were in our hands. My pen pal, wife and companion had matured as I was from experience. Making love in our case was physical as well as each day making love work in so many things. My old age is a dream come true and my childhood not a nightmare-but- somewhat-near-abouts.
I am not what I seem. I am some three thousand years old. Let it not hold up the story.
When I reached the age of 987 and having suffered my wife constantly harping of the dowry she brought into our marriage I looked some way of escaping it all. I could have shrugged it off had I tried harder but she made everyone in the neighborhood know of the fact. To top it all she would rub in her private grievances whenever I wanted a little loving. I knew from the first time we lay in our marriage bed how she was mistaken to my ability to keep her in a lifestyle she was used to. Of course I gritted my teeth and suffered her to speak her mind. Of course I did what made me feel complete. Sex made me feel good but still, the bed was the coldest place on the earth. The day after I turned 987 I was all dressed for day. I went to my wife and laughed and say,’I shall be out for a while. Don’t wait for me for lunch.’
I was an astronaut and I took off with a laugh and even as I sped faster than light and travelled into farthest reaches where no man had ever before me touched the ground. I was deliriously happy. After dawdling over the fiasco of marrying my wife when I had future, I told myself to take firm grip of my future. When I landed on the earth I knew the world had changed. The earth was totally in peace and from that moment I knew that my wife is a thing of the past. My neighborhood was different and I looked no older than some thirty years. My premonition was correct. ‘My wife was dead and gone. Nothing that reminded of her remained. I shall take my future and I lead my life’ said I.
No wonder when the whole neighborhood was gunning for me in the next two years I could shrug it off. I told them that I didn’t intend to marry. ‘But you are in flower of your youth.’ Many said earnestly. ‘You will make some woman deliriously happy’ said one who had become my shadow of sorts. ‘Oh no,’ I said carelessly,’ I am used to a lifestyle no woman is worth considering for.’ in the end I brought a bitch home and said,’ Nothing like a dog. Man’s best companion.’
In the end I was left to myself. I was so happy with the dog who fawned on me. How many ways she delighted me! she was ultimate in playfulness. Every time I threw a bone she ran and ran with it. She improvised on it with so many complex gimmicks and every time she came she had some twenty to twenty-five mutts at her heels sniffing her all over. The delight of her fetching the bone was lost in the voracious appetite of those stray dogs that never quite left the place. So one day I chided my dog that the very sight of a bone made me sick for the mutts that she brought home. The dog wagged her tail and said,’I am used to a lifestyle that you cannot give either in my previous or this present life.’
It made me shot up as though someone had lit a firecracker in my behind. The tone was very familiar through her whelping, and the toss of her head was distinctively of my wife.’
I could only sigh.
Over the years I have found that I know much more than I give credit to myself. The only area where I had to be careful was in the timing and how I put them into action.
At a time when my first marriage was sliding into a point of no return I sensed my ex was setting traps about me. One of that was in using our daughter against me. There was another issue, that of divorce. This was frowned upon in our society where religion was made a big thing and breaking commandments as serious as sin and damnation!After my first marriage I had switched to Pentecostal worship as a sop to the belief of her.( Of course being among these closed in community I felt playing the part in the parable of the Good Samaritan. I fell among thieves, literally.)
I had to take counter measures against the stratagems of these. With the passing of my father I was on my own. In a way it opened up a way out. I could think of asking for divorce, a matter which my father as a Christian would have found uncomfortable.
I had no problem with it. Only that there was a daughter to take care of. She was, as I sensed rightly, my ex-wife’s trump card. I knew it. Months before the split my ex was sending her to her parent’s house every weekend so I may have little chance of seeing her when I had time and leisure for it. I could see the way the game was progressing.
I was set that I would not allow myself to be emotionally blackmailed. My daughter was old enough to know her mind and make her wishes known. Since she was a willing tool I didn’t wish to make an issue of it. Mentally I gave her away to her mother.
In 1994 I decided to marry my old pen pal. I sent a letter to the last known address ( I had not heard from her for 23 years), and it reached her! It was a wild card but it hit the mark. Coincidentally I had a chance to go abroad and meet her. The chains of events were all showing in my favor. I decided her children would be my children. It was indeed the case. After marriage I closed my practice and went to live with her. I could easily establish a friendly relationship with them. Because of this choice I could enjoy the best period of my life watching five of my grandchildren grow. Nothing else could match except the love and warmth I enjoy in my marriage. The manner in which events developed I could seize my chances and come out of what might have been a terrible situation.
Looking back I see that my mind could sense the way to effect an emotional healing. The cure was all in me.
Marriages are made in heaven but those who pull the strings behind, over the time, seem to lose track of reality.
Just as punctuation in its proper place makes the meaning of the sentence clear, brief separations in conjugal life bring out the quality of each other into a sharper relief.
Marriage is a better place to learn to live with less.
One plus one is counted as one.
Love does not make one ashamed for holding on to one’s dreams.
A successful marriage will mean making the substance of these count as one.
Marriage begins with dreams in Technicolor, older and wiser spouses learn that reality is better, if nothing else on the matter of clarity.
A marriage more often takes worse beating from trifles than for any solid reasons.