Archive for June 4th, 2008

Once Beatrice Lillie( b.1898-1989) the Canadian born comedienne was having her hair done in a Chicago beauty salon where many other members of her fraternity were being attended to. One snooty lady checking in remarked within her earshot,”oh if I’d known there would be all these theatrical people here today I would never have come.”
Beatrice enquired and found it was Mrs Armour, wife of the famous meat-packing tycoon. Miss Lillie while making exit saw her waiting her turn and said loud enough, to the one at the desk ,”You may tell the butcher’s wife that Lady Peel has finished.”
Miss Lillie while riding in a taxi had her pekinese puppy along. At Savoy Hotel as she was about to get down she realized the puppy had misbehaved on the seat. The driver also saw it and complained to her even as the doorman opened the door of the cab. Miss Lillie alighted giving him a handsome tip and said,”I did it.”
While in New York during St.Patricks Day she took a taxi through terrific crush having to put up with the driver’s bad driving and out-bursts.
At the end she got out and gave him a nominal tip saying,”Something for you, driver,-buy yourself a sense of humor.”
Lillie was once annoyed by rude remarks of a guest and she protested to the hostess who said not to mind him,”he says those things tongue-in-cheek.”
She commented,”He confuses tongue-in-cheek with foot-in-mouth.”

In a New York restaurant she was sitting with a gorgeous looking girl and James Montgomery Flagg who was present thought she would make a good model. When the beauty left the table for a few minutes the artist scribbled a note and sent to Miss Lillie.
’Who is that marvelous, gorgeous creature?’
The waiter immediately brought the reply,”Me.”
Bea was once in her New York apartment attending to her correspondence when a pigeon flew in and perched on a chair. Barely lifting her head to note the interruption she asked,”Any messages?”
At a social gathering Miss Lillie was wearing a row of pearls which caught the eye of one guest who asked cattily,”Are they real?” “Of course,” replied Lillie. Disbelieving she tried to bite them and said, ”They are not; they are cultured.”
Beatrice Lillie gave a sad smile and said,”How would you know,-with false teeth?”
Once a woman squeezed ahead of Beatrice Lillie in a butchershop and ordered half-dollars worth of catmeat; she then turned to Miss Lillie and said,”I hope you don’t mind me being served first?”
“Why of course not, darling,”Miss Lillie replied,”if you are that hungry.”( Earl Wilson)

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