Posts Tagged ‘black humor’

Among my fellow practitioners I was at the same spot at the same rush hour as I did every other 364 day, pan handling. I scraped my pan with my wooden spoon. Every other beggar was doing the same. The noise must have ratcheted up a few decibels the cop on the beat  swiveled around to bark, “Beat it.”

“This aint drum ,-and no retreat either,” I said like a pro.

Seeing his sickly smile I said, ” I found a rabbit foot this morning. A lucky day for me, Pennies from heaven, sure. ” I told him to stick around. Poor fellow he beat a hasty retreat.

Hardly I went back to scraping all the beggars were scraping their pans and I felt I was the conductor and the orchestra was there to follow suit.

The beggars said, “Success smiles on us fellows!”

Suddenly there was a bang! ear splitting one at that. Pieces of people whatever left of them flying before their legs could catch up with them. What carnage! what bedlam.

Before we caught on what was happening a miracle!

Our pans were filled to brim with nails, ball bearings and iron rivets and what not. We beggars looked at the days earnings . No word was necessary. All that metal would fetch a couple of thousand pounds. No pennies from heaven. Who cares?

Scraping pans louder brings luck for beggars everywhere, I believe.



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Nothing wrong with my swing, but is your neck up to it?

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One customer in his thirties: I went for a pillow fight, by the Arch, you know the joint, old gym shuttered up? Well the rule tells you gotta bring your own pillow. So I lifted one from the sidewalk and you know what! The pillow was stuffed with greenbacks- and bills flew all over the place and the fight had to be called off. Such a ruckus, such scramble!’ He sighs and reaches for his hooch.
The second helps him to hold his glass,’Steady now, That is how you are in braces and head in bandages?’
‘Oh no, Sam,’ the first spits a tooth before speaks,’I went back for the mattress. I almost had the stuffing out. But …tough luck it was occupied.’

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